“If we dice everything up into absolutes we don’t leave room for nuance, and nuance is where truth lies.” - Atalie Abramovici
Holding Two Truths at Once
Working with couples for the past 3 years has allowed me to witness and develop insight into the complexity of relationships. It has added layers to how I reflect upon my own relationships– whether they be familial, romantic, or platonic. I’ve reflected on relationships I want to continue nurturing and building, as well as ones I may need to take a step back from–as tough as these decisions may be!! In Narrative Therapy this process is called “re-membering,” where we begin to analyze the membership and closeness certain people have in our lives.
This work has also provided me with a micro-lens glimpse into the macro-dynamics of relations and conflicts in our world at large, as well as the inescapable component of the human condition which challenges us with the task of discerning our identity within connection to others and independence in ourselves. By this I mean–relationships are dynamic–with others and with ourselves! There is so much complexity in relating to others’ experiences while effectively relaying our own experience! One of the most powerful practices I’ve adopted and shared with my clients is the art of holding two truths at one.
Want to start this practice yourself? Start by replacing your conjunctions! Instead of “but” use “and”!
This substitution results in a powerful shift in our capacity for understanding, intrapersonal and interpersonal development, and the expansion of our outlook.
Let me give you an example:
“I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m really upset” versus “I understand where you’re coming from AND I’m really upset”
Which version feels more expansive to you, while simultaneously honoring the complexity of your emotions and appraisal of the situation?
Language matters. Our internal dialogue is our communication with ourselves, which extends to our comprehension, communication, conduct, and cohesion with the world around us.
So, I invite you to begin the practice of replacing “but” with “and”…
…and see how your inner and outer worlds begin to shift.
Finding the right clinician to help you develop multiple perspectives while maintaining the validity of your own lived experience can be a profound process! Please get in touch with our Client Care Coordinator at Root to Rise to book an appointment with one of our therapists today.
With gratitude and sincerity,
Atalie Abramovici, LMFT
